Monday, October 27, 2008

They have got the spin wrong

I shall have to get Glenn to sort out the local newspaper for me: Usually they can be trusted to get the spin right on reporting the Government's achievements, but today they have really let me down.


As I have said before, I need to get the best professional help that I can find. In my work as an international statesman, that means sparing the taxpayer no expense, in obtaining the services of those consultants, who can be presumed, by the level of their fees, to be the very best in their fields. Moreover, as it is a core policy of our government to outsource as much of our local economy as we can to national and international `corporations, it is essential that I find consultants who know the national and international situations, and do not distract themselves by taking local circumstances and interests into account. Therefore I have to look elsewhere to find my experts. We would never succeed in building our capital into a booming modern city of 125,000 or 150,000 people, if we were to listen to those who still see it as a sleepy little port and resort, with no building higher than a church steeple.


Anyway, I have already been spending almost a million pounds of the public's money each year, on obtaining the most expensive possible advice. For that money, I not only get ideas that nobody who actually lived here would dream of putting forward, but I am also protecting the public's confidence in their Government. You may not believe that, but this is how it works:


By implementing the boldest dreams of our consultants, we create a reassuring impression of a Government that is open to new ideas and dynamic in its pursuit of progress. But, the blade cuts on the back stroke, too: When the bold initiatives fail, as cutting-edge schemes so often do, we can offload all responsibility for them onto the consultants, and assure our subjects that we did not personally make the failed plans. Then we can hire more consultants and repeat the cycle until it does come right.


So you see, it all makes perfect sense. So why did they not headline the story with something appropriate, like “Investing heavily in our future” instead of something that could be misinterpreted as disapproving, like “Big spenders”? The editor will have to answer for his misjudgement.

7 comments:

Alistair said...

To whoever owns this blog

Please confirm that you are NOT ALISTAIR.

Many thanks.

Ozo the Bozo said...

Alistair who???
I am not Alistair, and would not admit it if I were, anyway.

Anonymous said...

Alastair Campbell?

Anonymous said...

Are you Jason The Maverick, people have been wondering about this?

Anonymous said...

This blog has the infamous Alastair of the wine warehouse written all over it.

Anonymous said...

Stoofa - why the new name Jason?

Anonymous said...

Guy, you are a tease.